My walkabout has finally come to its end. I have traveled to the ends of time and have found that no matter where I go, either in space or time, I bow to the same overlord.
Well, maybe it’s what’s inside that durable packaging that I bow to, but never-the-less I find myself bowing and I’m tired.
Faith is disappointment, plain and simple, and I don’t mean this in a bad way. I haven’t lost mine; it’s still here in my change pocket next to a quarter and some guitar picks. (Good thing it’s small!) No, more like, it is the disappointments of life that require us to have faith.
Not just faith in god, but faith in the next moment. Faith there will be another day of life, there will be another kiss, and there will be another dollar. These are the things that we hold faith for.
Screw the after life; it will be there when we get there.
But faith in the next moment is hard. It is impossible without disappointment. You must not have, to wish you had. If you have everything, and have always had everything, is there even a need for faith in your life?
When disappointment surrounds you and it seems like luck never runs your way, that’s when faith matters. Faith is the spark that lights of your inner fire. It is the fire that allows you to remake your world. Because disappointment tells you, your world makes you unhappy.
I see and hear all this smack talk by talking heads and politicos about the faith of the president and the faith of this country. But their faith is not your faith. It never was and it never will be. Maybe you share the same religion, go to the same shaman or priest. But there faith is very different. When they speak of faith, they are talking about it in very broad strokes that contain millions of people. All faith, is singular and personal. It is always a conversation between you and your maker in the moments that no one else can hear.
Deus Ex Machina.
Prayers are answered but they fall short of our expectations for the answers. Leading us to believe they have not really been answered. Disappointment then sets in and we begin our circle of faith again. We sit at the table and continue to bargain.
“I swear lord, if I can just win this hand, I will stop all of my gambling, all of my womanizing, all of my swearing, sinning and evil doings!”
Well maybe not..
We are creatures of habit and those habits are hard to break. And no amount of bargaining will work. We need to be so filled with the disappointment of faith, so we can embrace the richness of faith and the power it has over us. The power it has to change our lives.
Faith is letting go of the promise of reward in exchange for the acceptance of our power.
The phrase should be Deus Est Apparatus-God is the machine. Because we cannot understand what we cannot see and we cannot see what we don’t know to look for.
Don’t keep the faith. Let the faith burn.