I would come in and out of my sleep/delirium/death/birth, millions upon millions of times, while I dwelt in the existence of the void. For countless ages I repeated the task, wondering if my existence had changed, and for those very same millions of times I fell back down into the black void, knowing nothing was different.
I didn’t care, because there was no reason to care. There was no reason for anything, because I, was all there was, and I, was not enough. I Wallowed in self pity, (One of the few items I am regretful of creating.) and cursed the day of my conscious birth.
Then abruptly, in one moment, a very singular moment, I felt a sense of pressure. I wondered how this could be since I was formless and alone. But never the less, there it was.
I tried to reason into the darkness, to understand what could have been there. And I came to realize that I had form! I was no longer an amorphous being. I could see into the darkness. I could hear the sound of the void and I could feel.
I was able to manifest form! I was able to manifest a physical sensation. But what was it that I was feeling? What was the mounting pressure that pulled me from the depths of the void?
Upon retrospect, it took me eons to realize that at this point in my existence, I had forged the form of man. That for some strange reason, of all the shapes, sizes, and infinite variations I could have become, I took a bipedal upright shape.
When I began to understand that I had form, I began to explore what my shape was. Was I large or small, was there a center for my consciousness or did it exist through out my form. Most importantly, what did I want to use it for? Reason would dictate what I needed in this existence, but it seemed to me that reason alone was not responsible for this change. No, this change was brought about by need, by circumstance, but mainly, by desire.
You see, the changes in me were brought about by my sheer force of will, because my circumstances were unbearable. Now the only question that remained was, what was I to do with this change? So I began to survey my parts. I had two arms, hands, fingers and a single torso. Although I wasn’t sure how I could use them in this existence, because there was nothing to grab or hold onto except for myself and oddly, that felt good. I had two legs that had feet on the end with what I called toes at the bottom. There was nowhere to run because there was nothing to run on. All items that would be useless to me in the void except save one, and apparently it was the only one that mattered. It seems that I gave myself a head and on this head I put eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth. And on the mouth is where I found the source of the pressure.
I could see nothing in front of me to cause the pressure, in fact I could see nothing at all in the void, just endless darkness and it again consumed me with grief. What was I to do with this manifestation if I was to be the only creature in existence? I would have drifted back down into the void again save for that little bit of pressure . It became a reason to stay. I had to find out the reason for the pressure, the reason I wanted to stay here in this existence.