I was out surfing around the Farallon Islands the other day and I came across a beautiful women on sitting on surfboard, whiling a way her time. She had thick black hair that dropped to her shoulders with deep, deep brown eyes. She looked at me as if it was completely natural for her to be there in this time and place and asked:
“Would you like to know your future darlin?”
“Huh?” I responded in my normal doltish manner.
“Do you want me to divine your future silly? She replied.
“Do you do this often,” I ask?
“Do what, darlin?” She looked deeply into my eyes as if waiting for me to put two and two together-never a chance for that!
“Sit around an island, in the fog, in the ocean, waiting for schmucks like me to come around so you can tell them their future?”
“No”, she said. “I live here, you came to me!”
She was right of course. I had paddled out to this crazy ass rock for no particular reason other then an urge, so I thought, why not. Let’s give the oracle a whirl.
“Sure” I said, and she then scooped up a bit of water from the ocean and let it fall gently onto the surfboard. As the drops hit the board they became tarot cards that formed the Celtic Cross. Good trick, I thought!
As far as tarot goes, it went pretty much as expected. Past, present, future all laid out on the board before me, couched in ancient symbolism, to be interpreted by a person of extra special abilities, who had all of the knowledge and certainty of a person you would expect to do this. A woman-on a surfboard-at the crack of dawn-in the middle of the ocean. (My shrink will love this!)
This thing about the tarot though, is when all is said and done, it’s just a card game, a bit of chance and interpretation. Generalities and non-specifics abound. Everyone has money issues, love issues, health issues in one form or another, so it’s a safe bet that if you run with one of those, you will look like a bit prohetic.
But I wanted to like the oracle. Hell, she just grabbed a bit of water and turned them into cards for me. (Not an easy thing to do). So I wanted the oracle to be right. Not because it foretold of great things -cause it didn’t-but because I wanted to touch that part of reality again. It had been a long while since I let anyone go there and I wanted to believe.
I remembered the spirit wars of the 80’s. Ascended master battling ascended master for dominance of the arena. (Very much like the Kung fu movies of the time). It was bloody! I had my astrological charts done, Tarot, palm, numbers, tea leaves and entrails read (The last one hurt!). Psychics healed me, warned me, told me my future, told my of my death, you name it and much to my dismay, none of it came true.
So I just watched and waited to see would win. I stayed out of the battle zones and took no sides other than my position of non-interference. I guess I was Switzerland- I even had the chocolate hook up!
After quite a while and an immense loss of spiritual blood by the community, this master, this Shyster, this con artist won. He/she then proceeded to take this flock up to some remote town in Washington State and begin the indoctrination that is still going on today. Milking the poor bastards for all they have financially, as well as spiritually. He /she used all the great tools of the trade, fear of big cities, fear of government, fear of disease, fear of anyone who wasn’t part of the “tribe”. Sound familiar?
All religions, every god damn one of them uses these tools to get you to join, cause they work! These things are close enough to the truth to almost stand up in the light. But they never really do, because a thousand generalities do not add up to a single truth.
So I never went, partly because running has never been part of my make up. But mostly, it was because I didn’t believe, even though I really, really wanted to. I read all the books, took all the classes, met with all of these shit heads in person, but could never turn the corner and suspend my belief. I had an easier time believing in “knight Rider” than this. It’s the same reason no religion would have me. I do not believe in something that I cannot feel.
There I said it.
My spiritual beliefs are based on my intuitive reactions to a situation and I trust my intuition more then anything else on this plane. (Not that I always interpret them correctly).
So based on this, my search for god is one huge sham right?
We are a society who relies on the messenger more then the message. The messenger makes us feel the way we want to feel-not the message. The message just becomes a bunch of buzzwords that we can regurgitate for conversational use.
But the messenger gives us identity- a face we can think of when looking into the recesses of our hearts for our lives troubles. But the message is the thing that changes our lives.
It was during this era that I had my first encounter with my past lives and that changed me completely and forever. To be honest, I was not the tea totaling kind of guy I am now (Although I do like my cocktails). So a good majority of my time was spent in a drug induced fog. But I shared a visceral experience with another person that was impossible to debunk. A shared memory, where we both filled in the blanks of an image we saw independently.
Damn, if I didn’t try to debunk it. With all of my heart I tried to rip that shit to shreds, give reason or rhyme why we both remembered that. But the physical manifestations of that image changed how this person slept and what they feared. After this revelation, they no longer suffered from ill sleeping and could now sleep in all positions. (Where before sleeping on her back was impossible) and the errant pain of her abdomen ceased to exist.
For me, the flood-gates opened. I not only remembered that moment, but all of the moments that I had forgotten from my thousands of years of walking this amazing planet and I found my sense of god in it.
So when the exodus for Washington came, I no longer needed to believe nor cared to.
My eyes were opened to the flow of life. The cycles of birth death birth, pain joy pain so on and so forth. My eyes were open to the only metaphor that I can give about this:
We all live in the ocean of eternity. We are more then this manifestation currently, but cannot or at least have a hard time fathoming it. The responses of the heavens to our pleas are meaningless because the heavens are the waters of the ocean and they seem to do what they want.
So when my oracle reached into the ocean to pull out the cards I knew it was worth a listen. Maybe the oracle is right and maybe the oracle is wrong. All we can do is hang on to our surfboards and ride the waves as best as we can.